Into the Depths...

I started writing a new story today. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

I’ve been in a sour mood all day, thanks to a fight I had with the wife last night. The details of the fight aren’t important – they weren’t even important during the fight, which is the bad thing – but it has left me feeling bitter and alone today. That’s the mood I started writing in during lunch, and the result is scaring the hell out of me.

I keep my stories clean. People (at least main characters) are married before they have sex, and the sex is way offstage. There is cursing and violence, and one story even skirts around rape. But I want to keep my books at a level where my children can read them; where I wouldn’t be ashamed to read them in public. I want them to be safe.

This new story is anything but safe. It is going in directions that I don’t want to go.

No, check that; it’s going in places that I’ve always wanted to explore, but have been too afraid to go. It deals with rape and sexual violence and forced submission and…other stuff. It makes me ill just thinking about it.

Have you watched ‘Apocalypse Now – Redux’? Remember the scene where the Playboy bunnies are whoring themselves out for fuel? It was sad and sickening and not the least bit erotic despite the numerous naked women. That is how this book feels.

Even if I finish it, I highly doubt I will ever submit it. In fact, only one other person is likely ever to read it. But I’m going to keep writing it anyway, to explore those places that I’ve been avoiding all my life. It will be a journey to all of the places I’ve skirted around in previous stories. I have no idea what’s going to happen or how it will end. If it ever does. All I know is that it won’t be a happy journey.

I’m so sorry, Bria.