The Prince of Porn

My oldest son just turned 14. For his birthday he wanted “Prince of Persia: Warrior Within” for the PS2. Now I am a fan of the Prince of Persia games; I remember playing the original on my roommate’s Macintosh. It was 2d back then, but it was innovative for its time. The character could do things like jump and grab a ledge and pull himself up. I died a lot and didn’t get very far and eventually moved out and forgot about the game until a couple of years ago when we got “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” for our PS2.

15 years worth of evolution had changed it to a 3d kill-fest extravaganza. The graphics were great, the fight combinations were very cool, it had a reasonably good plot. I played it a few times, died a lot, and didn’t get very far (I prefer playing football on the PS2) but my son loved it. He played it every chance he got and eventually won it twice.

So it was natural for him to want the sequel, and so we got it for him. It wasn’t until after we got home that we noticed the rating. M? 17+? For Prince of Persia? Sands was only rated Teen, and it never occurred to me that Warrior would be different. So I was given the assignment to find out just how inappropriate it really is.

The back said it was rated M for graphic violence and sexual situations and included a frontal shot of a slut with large CGI breasts that weren’t covered by much at all. The beginning movie had the same slut strolling along a ship deck, completely naked from the back, unless you include a couple of leather strings that were apparently holding the tiny strips of leather that sort of covered the front. I must say that animation has come a long way, because her breasts jiggled with every step.

Why was this necessary? The previous game did fine without making the main heroine naked (at least as far as I’m aware. Hmm…maybe I should go back and check on that…). There was no reason to put nudity in the game. None. Zilch. Zippo. It doesn’t add to the plot. If anything, it detracts from it – I mean, who would ever go into battle wearing an outfit that left every vulnerable spot (and in this case, the invulnerable spots as well) on the body open to attack? It’s just nudity for nudity’s sake, and it’s stupid.

Incidentally, I have the same feeling about writing; there is very seldom a valid reason to bring overt sexual encounters into a story, unless the story is sex just for the sake of sex. Does it advance the plot at all to tell us where she put her hand or how long his member was or how pointy her nipples became? I doubt it. Sex scenes titillate the reader and fill some space and, in the end, usually slow down the plot. Let the reader assume something happened or, if you must, give some hints and let the reader fill in the blanks. Unless the point of your story is the sex, there’s seldom a reason to have blatant sex in it.

There sure isn’t a point to it in Warrior. The fighting and moving is basically the same as Sands, so the naked women must be where the M came from. Someone, please, tell me why? Did Ubisoft get overrun by horny teenagers? Is this the future of gaming?

I think I’ll throw away our PS2 and our TV and our computer and move my family into a cave.