Excuse for Not Writing Last Night

I bought Battlefield 2 yesterday.

Well, not “bought”, exactly. I ended up paying $1.50 out of my pocket. The other $52 came from a gift card I got for my birthday that I’ve been saving for just this occasion, and a DVD return.

The return was difficult for me, because it was a birthday present from my brother, who actually went shopping and found something I would like instead of taking the easy way out and getting me a gift card. But I never get time to watch DVD’s anymore; the TV always has Dora the Explorer or Max and Ruby or The Last Avatar (ugh). I’d had the DVD for five months, and it was still in its plastic wrapping.

That turned out to be a good thing, because it made the DVD returnable. It was a double-disc concert DVD (Alison Krauss, if you’re curious), and it cost thirty bucks. Just enough, when added to my gift card, to pay for BF2. All I had to do was pay for the tax.

The game itself is fun. I’ve always wanted a tank game, and I love flight games, and I like driving games, and shooting at things is always great. BF2 has all of that. The only thing is doesn’t have is a story. I’ve never played a game that didn’t have some semblance of a plot before; I wouldn’t have guessed that such a thing would be marketable. But BF2 is a new brand of game – it’s made for the multi-player experience, not the single player story.

That’s not the way most games are made. Games up to this point were built around an SP storyline and the MP part was based on the SP part. BF2’s single-player is the exact same as the multi-player, but with computer-controlled enemies instead of online humans. The objective is to win all the points on a map. There’s no storyline tying it together, even loosely. You aren’t General Roxors, in command of a battalion that needs to win a series of encounters in order to secure victory for the USA. You’re just you, trying to survive a battle. And when the battle is done, you do it again. And again. And again.

In a way, it harks back to the old days of gaming, when there was no end level. You went through “stages”, each more or less the same, but progressively faster and harder. You played until you couldn’t keep up anymore. No theme, no real plot, just reflex endurance.

BF2 is kind of like that, which is unfortunate. I remember the first game I ever finished (Dark Forces 2: Jedi Knight). I felt a great sense of accomplishment. It was exhilarating. Playing a single-player game without a real end is like chewing a really good steak but not swallowing; it tastes good, but in the end it doesn’t satisfy.

That being said, BF2 is worth it for the MP action, especially if you have people you know to play with. I probably wouldn’t play much after a couple weeks (and, in fact, wouldn’t have got the game in the first place) if I didn’t know a lot of guys (and at least one girl) who were eager to play it. The team camaraderie makes all the difference.

205.5

What the @#*! Are You Doing Here?

Someone unexpected showed up last night. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Here’s what happened: I was writing, as I sometimes do, and the narrative was going reasonably well. I finished a scene, but then decided the end was missing something, so I added on to it.

That’s when she showed up. Her name is Sloan. She was my thief back when I played Baldur’s Gate, although the word “thief” is often loosely defined in the fantasy world. The Baldur’s Gate Sloan didn’t do any actual thieving; she was an expert at finding traps and secret doors, etc. The book version of Sloan is also not really a thief; she’s more of a mercenary assassin.

When I made my submission to Wizards of the Coast for their Eberron contest, Sloan was one of the secondary characters. Since I apparently didn’t win that contest, I re-routed the book I submitted to a non-Eberron setting and, as I started writing the new version, Sloan moved from the background and became one of the main characters. And that was fine.

But I’m not working on that book right now. I’m on a completely different book, with a different setting and different rules. Sloan shouldn’t be there. Yet there she was last night, standing on the road as if she not only belonged, but as if she actually owned the damn road. The guy in my book didn’t know what to make of her. Hell, neither did I. But she offered to help him, and he took her up on the offer, so I guess she’s here to stay.

I don’t know what’s going to come out of this; the feeling in my stomach is either excitement or trepidation. Right now, it’s hard to tell which.

What Are the Odds?

I’m not a gambler. I don’t like to take unnecessary chances.

Here’s a little test to see if you’re a gambler:

I offer you $50, straight up, or you can flip a coin. If it lands on tails, you get $1000. If it lands on heads, you have to pay me $1000.

A gambler would take the coin toss, hoping for big bucks. I’d take the $50 every time. I can’t afford to lose a thousand bucks. The risk wouldn’t be worth it for me.

I took my very first business trip in April. It was in Las Vegas. I gambled once: I took $100 to a $10 blackjack table (the $5 tables were full).

The way to win at Blackjack is simple: you lay down the minimum bet. If you win, you smile and lay down the minimum bet again. If you lose, you lay down twice what you bet the first time. That way, if you win you get your money back plus the original bet. If you win the second time, you lay down the minimum again. If you lose, you double the doubled amount.

If you follow this method, you’re guaranteed to win, provided two things: you have a stake large enough to weather a losing streak; and you’re willing to walk away once you’ve gone ahead.

Here is a play-by-play of the hands:

MY BET ME DEALER

10.......... 16........ 20

20......... 18......... 20

40......... 12........ 18

At this point, as you can see, I had lost three straight hands. The dealer was hot and I was getting crap cards. To make things worse, I could no longer double my bet – I only had $100 to start with, and now I was down to $30. Here’s how the rest played out:

10....... 16...... 19

20....... 15...... 20

Five straight hands, five losses. A real gambler would have asked the dealer to add $200 to his hotel bill and kept up with the betting procedure, certain of winning at some point. I, however, had $100 to bet with, and when that was gone, my gambling was done.

What does this have to do with anything, you ask? Well, nothing really. It was just on my mind. Although I am beginning to wonder if my conservativeness is related to my extreme suckiness when it comes to fps computer games. Do I get killed because I was too afraid to attack? Do I try to be defensive when I should be ignoring the possible costs of the action and just (to borrow a now-cliched term) do it?

Possibly. I know that when I’m dueling in Jedi Knight, I tend to cut my attacks off when it looks like the opponent’s swing is coming toward me. Maybe if I ignored the opponent and finished my own attack, I’d end up winning.

Or maybe I’d just lose all the sooner. Who knows? It’s not worth the risk.

The Loosers Are Comming!

I used to love forum hopping. I became addicted to it early on in my internet career. Now I don’t have as much time for it, but I still miss it. The only downside to forum hopping is the constant barrage of grammar and spelling errors that inevitably get posted.

I don’t mind some of it. It’s one thing to misspell “pterodactyl”, or to confuse “its” and “it’s”. I don’t even mind the occasional “to” when it should be “too”, or “your” versus “you’re”.

But simple spelling is another thing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen “loose” instead of “lose”. “He’s a looser!” “They’re going to loose.” “I don’t want to loose this match!” It sounds like they’re sharing some sort of gastro-intestinal issue.

At least “loose” is a real word. Here is an actual quote: “They are comming! They are here!” Comming? What in the world does that mean? They are communicating over a com link?

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that my spelling and grammar are always perfect. I do proofread what I write before posting, and if I’m not sure how something is spelled I check with Word before I use it. But the occasional “its/it’s” error sometimes sneaks in, and I’ve even caught myself writing the wrong “your/you’re”, although I think that’s more a symptom of too much forum-hopping than anything else.

Anyway, I guess in the end it’s not so important. I try not to comment on anyone’s grammar or spelling unless their post is just totally unreadable. One thing I have learned is that people don’t appreciate having their grammar or spelling corrected. The loosers.

In other, writing related, news, I had an idea yesterday for a new story (to add to my list of stories that aren’t being written right now). It seems like a good concept, and might actually make a better screenplay than novel. I have no idea how to write a screenplay, or market it, for that matter. Presumably there are agents for screenplays. Guess I’ll have to do some <shudder> research. If anyone happens to know a trustworthy site or two on the subject with some free information, I’d appreciate it.

Writers' Kryptonite

Krista wrote about writers’ weaknesses. My main weakness is procrastination. I know that’s not the kind of answer she was looking for (and I’m sorry for tangenting your topic), but it’s true; writers write, and I can scarcely call myself one most of the time.

As for weaknesses within my writing, I used to be overly fond of adverbs until Tammy beat them out of me. But I have difficulty recognizing my own failings; I never would have known I used too many adverbs unless someone had pointed it out. I can’t even think of what to put here as my biggest writing weakness, although I’ve sent out an email to Tammy so she can tell me what it is. Perhaps it’s an overuse of commas. I love commas. I think I sometimes use them too much because I try to make my writing sound like speech, with all the little pauses that go along with it. I also love dashes, but I’ve recently discovered the semi-colon, which works much better in places where I used to use dashes.

I think, in the end, my biggest writing weakness is missing a sound foundation in grammar. I know how to put sentences and paragraphs together, and when I read something, I know whether it’s written correctly or not. But I don’t know why. Grammar classes always bored me to tears in school, but now I wish I had paid closer attention. When I read something that is written poorly I can say, “Try writing it this way.” But I couldn’t tell them, grammatically, what it is that is wrong. I’d like to be able to say, “The prepositional phrase should match the subject, you fool.” Or whatever.

I actually have a couple books on it, and I can fix this problem by reading them. Which I will.

Someday.

Anyway, here’s a less important side note:

I don’t really follow pop culture all that much. I don’t read tabloids, I couldn’t care less who is dating, marrying, and/or divorcing who, and I didn’t give a single ounce of attention Michael Jackson trial. But yesterday someone referred to Michael Jackson as a “musical genius”. My response was an incredulous, “Huh?”

I cannot fathom how Jackson is still so popular today. He had one good solo album (“Thriller”) in the early 1980’s which had a handful of catchy songs (although the recent trial certainly cast “PYT” in a new light). Since then, he has released a few un-noteworthy efforts and become more of a freak with each passing year. He doesn’t even look human anymore. He embarrasses himself every time he opens his mouth or hangs a baby out a window. Yet, somehow, he remains one of the most popular icons in the world.

Why? I just don’t get it. Someone please explain it to me.

This just in: Tammy’s response to my biggest weakness:

“lack of decisiveness.

you, and your characters, are all very flexible and easy going.

Be More Definite!”

So there you go.

I Can't Think of a Good Title

It took me awhile to write this today because, even though I have a small list of things to write about, I couldn’t think of anything to write. This is known as Writer’s Block. It’s an affliction of the mind, where the brain tries to fish from its usual pool of thoughts and ideas and comes up empty.

Fishing is actually a pretty good metaphor for writing. You sit at the keyboard and throw a line into the recesses of your brain and wait for an idea to take a nibble. Once the bobber starts to…um…bob, you carefully draw it in by examining its logic; “Could that really happen?”

Once it’s out of the water, it can be examined more carefully. What are the implications if this is true? What if this happened instead? How does this affect the other characters? How much research is this going to take and is it worth the effort?

Sometimes the idea won’t work for one reason or another and you throw it back and try again.

Usually it can fit somewhere; even if you have no use for it now, it would probably fit another story at another time. The important thing when this happens is to write it down somewhere. You can’t count on having the same idea twice; if you forget it, it’s probably gone for good.

Sometimes you get several good ideas; it’s like one of those fishing days where fish keep biting every time you put the hook in the water (I’ve never had one of those days while fishing, but I hear it sometimes happens). Words flow and hours pass and before you know it, 2000 words have been added to the story.

Every now and then you land a monster; inspiration strikes and something that’s been missing is suddenly made clear, or a major plotline or character arch just appears out of the blue. These ideas give you enough meat to feed your writing for days.

But then there are the silent days, when you’ve had your line in the water for what seems like forever and nothing happens. You change spots and cast again, and still nothing happens. There’s nothing worse than a blank screen. So you type something. Anything. “Once, when the world was young, a chicken flew out from behind a…” Then you realize it’s crap and erase it. You start again. “Call me Billy Bob.” Delete. “I can’t think of anything so I’m just going to hit thesekeysuntilsomethinghappens,dammit.” Delete.

The best thing to do when this happens is do something else. Try again later. Just don’t wait too long or before you know it 15 years will have passed and you will be in the exact same spot you were before.

I Had a Dream Last Night

Thank you, God, for not making me a prophet.

I had a dream last night. It was weird and convoluted, as all dreams are. At one point I was trying to get across a field without being trampled by several large and angry animals. I made it across, as did most of my family – they hadn’t been there when I started crossing – but one of my two-year-old boys got trampled.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you can feel emotion in a dream, the answer is yes. I remember my despair as if it had actually happened. Fortunately, I woke up soon after this and he was sleeping peacefully right beside me.

My wife and I have spoiled the twins from the start. They get whatever they want, provided it’s safe and we actually have some (“Sorry, we’re out of popsicles.”). When they were babies and woke in the middle of the night we would transfer them into our bed. Now they sleep in our bed every night. Eventually we’re going to have to kick them out, but for now we like it this way.

You can say all you want about teaching kids independence or letting them cry until they fall asleep or whatever. I don’t buy it. D and M are two years old. If they cry, I pick them up and walk with them until they’re not crying anymore. They’re still innocent. There will be plenty of time in the future for them to learn that the world is unsafe, cruel, and unfair. I’m going to protect them from it as long as I can.

Just Clanning Around part 3: The History of Hyperstream

A long time ago on a server far, far away, a clan was formed by friends from a defunct modding team. The friends had a forum called Hyperstream. At the time, JK2 was in its prime, so they decided to form a clan, also called Hyperstream.

The leader of the clan was named Kirk (note: all names changed to protect both the innocent and guilty). But the guy who owned both the forum and their JK2 server was Chuck. Although no one knew it at the time, this was the beginning of the schism that would tear HS apart.

Hyperstream – both the forum and the clan – grew by leaps and bounds. They had a good number of extraordinary duelists. One of these, CGIman, recruited Samurai, who introduced Spinner to both the world of online gaming and to the clan.

Things went well for several months. Altough CGIman was gone frequently, both Samurai and Spinner rose quickly up the ranks of the clan; Samurai because he was an excellent duelist as well as a straight-shooting, no-nonsense kind of guy, and Spinner despite the fact that he sucked at dueling, but was relatively mature and became something of a mediator for the rather impetuous core of the clan.

But then the schism started to widen. This happened because Chuck was 12 or so and was not even close to mature enough to be a leader. On the JK server, where he was supposed to be an Admin and enforce the rules, he was very often the biggest lamer there. He enjoyed Admin stunts like setting up a small room full of trip mines and then teleporting unsuspecting players into it. When confronted, his response was, ‘It’s my server and I can do what I want.’ Kirk had no recourse against Chuck, because pissing Chuck off would mean losing the server and the forums.

Well, things came to a head after a couple months of this behavior when one of Chuck’s admin-padawans (named Meteor) was confronted by Spinner, then an admin in his own right (but not the laming kind). Although Spinner knew Meteor was in the wrong, he stupidly failed to take screenshots of the behavior, and in the ensuing battle of he-said/he-said, Chuck took Meteor’s side and Spinner decided enough was enough.

Sadly, this happened at 3am est, so none of Spinner’s supporters (who could have verified the truth) were online, and the thread was locked by the time anyone else saw it.

So Spinner left, and was soon followed by Samurai. They joined another clan, SinisteR, together, drawn by their friendship with <SR>Devastator. CGIman stayed to try to keep HS afloat, but it was too late; the clan limped on for a few more months and then died an ignoble death. Eventually CGIman saw the light and joined Spinner and Samurai at SinisteR.

Just Clanning Around part 2

It’s amazing how much difference there is between dial-up and…well, all forms of connection that aren’t dial-up. The first time I tried a multi-player game (using dial-up) I couldn’t even move. I kept dying before I even knew I had been shot. So getting our DSL was, in many ways, a life-changing experience for me.

When I first started playing mp Jedi Outcast, I had no idea what was going on (notice how I’m going out of my way to avoid using such gaming terms as “noob”). I assumed that, upon entering a free-for-all server, it would be a no-holds-barred, every-man-for-himself melee; and, in fact, if I had started my mp career with any other game, that would have been the case.

Instead, I found people jumping around, talking, killing themselves (as opposed to each other) en masse just for the hell of it, and occasionally having lightsaber duels. It was hilarious. It was fun. I was hooked instantly. I spent more and more time around this group and eventually found out they were in a clan called Hyperstream. I checked out their forums; it was an alive and active place, and everyone seemed to be happy and nice. I spent more time on their servers. I got tips on how to use my digital saber (turns out it’s not just random swinging after all). I joined the clan.

I went into it with some trepidation, but the fear didn’t last. I can honestly say that my first couple months in HS were among the happiest times in my life (which tells you more about my life than anything else). Despite that fact that even with training, I sucked at lightsaber dueling, I was made a Captain right away, thus outranking many of the people who I had already met. To this day I don’t know why, but it was fine with me. I was very active on the forums and the server and, for a little over two months, it was great.

But then the HS world started to splinter.

Just Clanning Around part 1

Hello, my name is Dervish and I am in a clan.

Whew, glad I got that off my chest.

For those of you who don’t spend all their free time playing online games and have therefore probably not been exposed to this phenomenon, clans are groups of nerds who form teams based around their favorite multi-player games. If you’ve played any mp games, even just a few times, you’ve probably seen them. They have tags in front or behind their names, such as {HS}Hyper or <SR>Boogeyman^TKL.

My first experience with clans was not a good one. I was addicted to the game Baldur’s Gate, so when my wife and I got the internet for the first time, I decided to try playing BG online. I hooked up and was sent to a site that linked to several electronic rooms. Many of the rooms had weird names and said “recruiting”, whatever that meant. After wandering around for awhile, I chose one that seemed to have a few players, but not too many, and entered.

Within seconds I had been recruited into a clan, although I didn’t realize it. They told me to put some letters after my name – I thought it was some sort of thing that was required by the software or something. I kept asking when we were going to actually play the game, and they said, “Oh, I guess we can do that.” But we never did.

I was very popular there – I kept getting private messages asking me to join other clans, and even got in a tug-of-war between two guys who apparently had a history and didn’t much like each other. I think one of the problems was that the name I had chosen to connect by was Trendil, because that was the name of the kick-ass ranger I had been planning to play with. So all these pre-teen clan leaders thought I was a girl. Eventually I got frustrated, told everyone that all I wanted to do was play the freaking game, and disconnected.

I didn’t try another multi-player game until two years later, and when I finally did try it again (with Jedi Outcast), I knew one thing for certain – I sure as hell wasn’t going to join any stupid online clans.

And His Name Was...Steve?

No one ever asks me what the hardest part of writing is. That’s because no one knows I’m a writer. But if someone did ask such a question, the answer would be naming characters.

I suck at naming. My characters have random names that don’t really mean anything. I looked in a baby name book and found names that I liked. There’s no rhyme or reason, no attempt to make characters from the same general region have regional-sounding names.

But that’s how it is in real life. Or was, before cultures started to blend. Think of all those Irish, German, or Chinese names that you don’t hear anywhere else. You don’t find a lot of Yu Chin’s in Ireland, or anyone named Hans in Korea.

Some authors seem to spend a lot of their time on character naming. Stephen R. Donaldson (bias warning: he’s my favorite author) keeps close tabs on the names of the characters in the Covenant books. Stonedowners have different sounding names than Woodhelvenin (not sure of the spelling of that word). The Bloodguard have strong, usually single-syllable names. Giants have long names that fit their characteristics (although how their parents would know what they would be like in order to name them is unclear).

Tolkien, of course, is the ultimate example. Perhaps it’s not fair to use Tolkien as a standard – he was a philologist, after all, and he was meticulous about finding the right name for all of his characters – but every time I read his books I’m struck by the way the names fit the species. Dwarves have dwarven names. Elves have elven names. And humans have…well, cool names.

That’s one thing all sf/f books seem to have in common – cool sounding human names. Very rare is the hero named Joe or Steve. It’s always Aragorn or Dubric or Fflewddur Fllam. I guess I’m not the only one who goes out of his way to find unique names for characters.

A Series of Unfortunate Questions

Tammy told me to post this because Monica told her to. So here it is. Repost it in your own blog, bolding those things that fit you, and add one of your own at the end.

It came to me without some of the numbers, so I took the liberty of adding them back in. :D

01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I don’t watch much TV these days.
03. I love olives
04. I own lots of books.

05. I know what happened to #05.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
07. I love to play video games.
08. I’ve tried marijuana.
09. I’ve watched porn movies.
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.

13. I think 13 ran off with 14.

14. I think 14 left alone.
15. I curse sometimes.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.

18. There is NO 18.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I’m TOTALLY smart.
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I hate the rain.
24. I’m paranoid at times.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
26. I need money right now.
27. I love sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have long hair.
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis.
35. I have a twin (or a triplet, or somesuch).
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
40. I know how to cornrow.
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have a lot of mood swings.
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
45. Slept with a Suitemate.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I have a lot of friends.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have pecked someone of the same sex. (given that pecked means kissed…)
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I believe in God.
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama. (Somebody else’s, not my own)
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
68. I’ve rejected someone before.
69. I currently have a crush/like someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future.
72. I have changed a diaper before.
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I’m not allergic to anything.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie.
80. I am shy around the opposite sex.
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
85. I own the “South Park” movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum.
88. I enjoy some country music.
89. I would die for my best friends.

90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”.
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex.
99. I like surveys/memes.
100. I am happy at this moment.
101. I’m obsessed with guys.
102. I am bisexual.
103. Democrat.
104. Conservative Republican.
105. I am punk rockish.
106. I am preppy.
107. I go for older guys/girls, not younger
108. I study for tests most of the time.
109. I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
110. I can work on a car.
111. I love my job.
112. I am comfortable with who I am right now.
113. I have more than just my ears pierced.
114. I walk barefoot wherever I can.
115. I have jumped off a bridge.
116. I love sea turtles.
117. I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
118. I believe in prophetic dreams.
119. I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
120. I am proficient on a musical instrument.
121. I worked at McDonald’s restaurant. (How about Burger King?)
122. I hate office jobs.
123. I love sci-fi movies.
124. I’ve never been in love.
125. I think water rules.
126. I am going to college out of state.
127. I am adopted.
128. I like sausage.
129. I am a pyro. (I always insist on starting the grill. Love it.)
130. I love the Red Sox.
131. I have thrown up from crying too much.
132. I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
133. I love kisses.
134. I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.
135. I adore bright colors.
136. I love Dear Abby.
137. I can’t live without black eyeliner.
138. I think school is awesome.
139. I think pigtails serve a purpose.
140. I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
141. I usually like covers better than originals.
142. I don’t like multi-textured ice cream
143. I think John Cusack is adorable.
144. I f**king hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
145. I watch Food Network way too much.
146. I love coaching youth sports.
147. I can pick up things with my toes
148. I can’t whistle.
149. I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes’ slither.
150. I have ridden/owned a horse.
151. I still have every journal I’ve ever written in. (And every note someone wrote to me in high school. This comes in handy years later when you want to mortify your friends and enemies. And yourself.)
152. I can’t stick to a diet.
153. I talk in my sleep.

154. I have 3 or more children.

I’m hungry.  That’s the problem with dieting; even if it’s one of the diets that let you eat plenty of food, you still feel like something’s missing.

 

I’m doing the Atkins thing.  Again.  When I did it the first time, I lost 33 pounds.  Then it got to the holidays and I took a few months off and gained 20 of those pounds back.  So I went back on it again, lost 15 pounds and hit the holidays again.  After gaining 10 pounds, I decided to skip the dieting and just “eat healthy”.  I was able to maintain a stable weight that way, but not lose any.

 

So now I’m back on my modified version of Atkins (it’s actually a little closer to South Beach).  It works.  I lost nine pounds in May.  But I feel like there’s a hole in the middle of my body, like some integral part is missing.  I’m carb-starved.  This diet does strange things to my body and mind.  I see one of my sons eating cereal and I’m overcome with a lust normally reserved for cheesecake.  I never thought I would be in a position where I would kill for corn flakes.

 

It could be worse.  One of my co-workers told me that she started to lose her hair when she went low-carb.  A nurse said that low-carb diets can lead to renal failure.  I guess I’ll take my chances for the sake of being thinner.  It’s the American way, right?

Introduction, or Why This Blog Won't Last Long

Hello. My name is Josh, and I am a writer.

Of course, the problem with saying that is that everyone immediately asks, “Oh really? What have you written?” The answer, in my case, is a lot of things. But none of it is anything you have likely read (actually, given the people who are actually reading this, that’s probably not true. I’m just pretending someone other than Tammy, Sammy, or Meg will read this at some point). This is because I’m a writer, not an author. The difference, to me, is the same as saying someone is an amateur and not a professional. I don’t get paid to write, although I’d like to someday.

Of course, saying I’m a writer implies that at some point in my daily activities, I sometimes write something. This brings up another important distinction between authors and me: authors actually finish what they start writing. I’ve been working on the same novel for 15 years or so.

What I need is discipline. I have a sanguine personality; I flit from one thing to the next. It’s difficult for me to stay self-motivated on one thing for very long. I’ll be excited about writing for awhile, and get a decent amount accomplished, but then I’ll lose interest and go on to something else. Eventually the urge to write comes back and I go through the process again. It’s the same principle that keeps me from exercising like I know I should; it just gets tedious. I find things I’d rather be doing.

The solution is finding people to keep me accountable. People like award-winning author Tamara Siler Jones (check out her link), who I met in an online writing workshop and who is there to kick me in the butt every time I start to wander away from writing. Because of her and a few other friends from the workshop, the book I spent 15 years writing actually got completed and sent out to agents. It was, of course, rejected, and I am currently rewriting much of it, but the point is that the book probably would never have been completed if I hadn’t found a way to be held accountable.

I’m not saying I write every day now, but these days I have actual reasons for not being able to write; it’s difficult to write and stay on top of two toddlers at the same time. Still, I have managed to move the story along a bit. Someday maybe it will be ready to send out to agents again. And then maybe I’ll even get to be an author.

Let's Begin With a Review

Revenge of the Sith (what did you expect? Pooh’s Heffalump Movie?) is the movie I was expecting to see when I first saw The Phantom Menace. It has the Star Wars universe essentials – lightsaber battles, ships being shot to pieces, jedi running amok, the works. It has a decent plotline and, unlike the previous two movies, decent writing. It is without question the best of the three prequels; if Phantom had been this good and the next two had improved still further, we’d be talking about what a masterpiece the Star Wars sextet is.

But, sadly, Phantom wasn’t this good and Revenge is not good enough to undo the damage done to the franchise. This is unfortunate because all the elements were there for Revenge to be a classic movie, better even than any of the original three. Anakin Skywalker’s fall into despair and subsequent turn to the dark side could have been a heart-wrenching, bitter tale where the audience is so drawn into the character’s anguish that they are half-ready to turn to the dark side themselves. It could have happened.

But it didn’t, because the part of Anakin was miscast from the start. Heydon is a decent actor – he did fine in Life as a House – and his performance was greatly improved compared to Clones. But he simply does not have the depth to portray Anakin’s pathos in a convincing manner. His lines are delivered like…well, like delivered lines. When he bows down to the emperor, it feels fake. The scene where Anakin gets ready to chop up the children should have been a showcase for watching his soul crumbling. Instead, we get an expressionless stare. The dark side is supposed to be about letting your passions control you; Heydon portrays no passion for anything from the mid-point of the movie on. Even his cry of “I hate you!” to Obi-wan at the end holds no emotion.

The trick to enjoying Revenge is to ignore what the characters are actually doing on the screen; instead, understand what Lucas was really trying for: The deep despair. Anakin’s feeling that he has no other choice. The turn to the dark side not only to save Padme (a clunky plot device that wasn’t really needed) but to receive power unequalled in any Jedi. Lust and despair make a great team. Project that onto the movie as you watch and pretend that Heydon is delivering his lines with a little more conviction, that he really feels what he’s saying, and you will enjoy the movie. If, on the other hand, you can’t get past the flat emoting, you won’t want to watch it more than once.